(I'll be back in August.)
I put out a podcast for four years
called Shouts From The Lawn, and in that
time I made quite a few sensitive public admissions. One of the most unusual was very early on
where I admitted to my brother that I am not fun. No only am I not fun, I truly don’t know what
fun is or how to have fun. Since then, I
have worked hard to find the fun in places where I should be having it, but I
still don’t believe I have the basic building blocks of how to construct my own
fun.
Over the years I managed to have a
few gatherings of friends, which is pleasant and fun. I have had a few fun times with my kids,
outside of the normal goofing around at home.
So I have to give myself an A for effort. I am trying.
But grown-up fun, the type you see
in commercials and on Facebook, where a group of adults are laughing or smiling
or sharing stories over beer or cocktails has eluded me my entire life. I just don’t have the skills to engage, or
participate, or fit in. I’m
just…home. So sometimes I brainstorm on
how to change this behavior. I want to
change in a way where I can’t turn back. I want to be able to have fun as easily as
normal people and I’d like to bring my wife along, because she also has this
problem, although she is not plagued by it as I am.
The first thing I do is imagine the
things I like to do. I accomplish that. Then, everything goes awry. The reason I go no further is, all of the
things that I really like to do are by myself, or at least do not require a
bunch of people. I discovered an
important variable. You need people to have fun. Awesome.
I have come that far. Now to go
and meet people.
Oh yeah. I haven’t been successful in that endeavor in
2o years. Now I’m right back where I
started. I’m in a solo pursuit. In fact, I am in the middle of it right
now. I am writing about fun instead of having it. That is me.
I have to tiptoe around the reasons
behind this situation. It’s chronic, it
is a little sad and it is very, very real.
But I’m 42 years old and I am in charge of my fun now. I have to figure out a way into the fun I
want to have.
The equation I settled on was this:
An
activity + like-minded people + free time = Fun.
Most people would think it is
ridiculous to even think of fun with math symbols floating around. They’re right. But they also come to fun much easier than I
ever will. The truth is, most of my
adult life has been without these core elements. First, I have never been one to think of
activities. It is why I am in this mess
to begin with. I always am content with company. I just liked having people around, and at
least when you are young, that means just hanging out. But life should be more than just hanging
out. This is where my imagination and
experience fails me.
Second, I have not been able to make
friends. Most of the people I’ve met are
acquaintances or coworkers, who disappear from my life over time. It is tough
to find forty-somethings with grown kids.
Everybody is single or too old.
No offense, but we just didn’t live similar lives; similar enough to
consider them like-minded. The like-minded people in my life are the oldest
friendships, and I made those while I was still a teenager. I’m lucky, but most of them live on the other
side of the country. It’s great for
phone calls and texts, but it sucks for going bowling. (That’s still an activity, right?)
Then there is free time. Here’s where things have changed. I have much more free time in my life. Two of my kids are doing their own thing, and
my daughter is entrenched in the workload of high school. I have time to do things now. But, without
the idea of things to do or people to do them with, I spend a lot of time
writing and watching movies and shows. I
like the extra time with my wife, but we both need something new to do.
So now, I search. I looked at group meetings on Craigslist. They have a lot of support groups, which is
cool, but not what I need right now.
There are a lot of World of Warcraft people and LARPers that get
together. I don’t think that’s me. There are a few adult leagues that play
kickball and other weird shit, and that could be cool. I need a little extra money to do that, but
then I would not have to worry about the activity. They would have one settled on already…
This piece is as unfinished as the
quest. I will update from the frontier!
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