Don't be such an asshole!
There
is a degree of schizophrenia in which a person has conversations with inanimate
objects. If you or a loved one has deep
philosophical discussions with your toaster, than by all means stop reading
this stupid thing and call a professional.
But there is also an innocent side to this strange phenomenon that is
still quite revealing.
I
have talked to my car. “Come on, get me
through this and I’ll give you the best oil change of your life. My treat.”
This is quite common, especially those of us that either have little
technical know-how or have crappy cars. We
need somewhere to vent our anxiety, and we are trying to befriend our car in
the hopes that he will return the favor and not leave us stranded on the
highway. I’ve done the same with my
computer, printers, heater…even once with my roof. That one scared me. For some reason it seemed
crazier to talk to something without any moving parts: “Jesus, don’t leak
tonight, okay?”
Two
days ago, I wrote in my journal file on my computer. I have been writing a lot of this essay stuff
for the past few weeks, and when I opened my personal journal, I felt a sense
of apology hit me. Just for a moment, I
felt bad that I hadn't opened it up in the last three weeks. I felt bad for the journal. The 1’s and 0’s on
my computer arranged in alphanumeric shapes set against a white page on my
screen. For half a second, I felt bad for a computer program. That’s a little weird. But, if this is the thing you do to get by,
it should not feel any stranger than telling your dog your plans for the day or
bitching out your old rake because it’s a piece of shit.
The
truth is, those of us who anthropomorphize tend to be more sensitive and a
little more detached from the rest of life.
We are lonelier; in that we feel lonely more often than a person that
does not do this. It is a little sad, but I like to think of it
as that we have a lot of friendship to extend to the rest of the world, and why
just stop at human beings? There are
pets and machines and homes that have personalities we have assigned; why not
include them in your life. I think as
long as you don’t hear the toaster talking back, you are okay. Plus, we just don’t have enough places to
give thanks. If you are religious, you
can thank God over and over, as you probably do. Some of us like to spread the love, and thank
the cable for not going out, and the lightning for not hitting the tree outside
your bedroom window, and the tree for not falling on you. Its quick, it’s innocent. It’s kinda healthy-ish?
The
inverse is interesting as well. The
lonely or detached tend to talk to their stuff, while the extremely secure do
something very different. Those who
don’t question their place in society often look at people as objects. Their detachment is quite different and from
a different end of the spectrum of removal from society. It seems there is one more divide between the
sensitive and the secure, the thoughtful and the callus, the self-aware and
those who just aren’t. (I apologize; I
cannot relocate the research article that details this study. I didn’t just
make this crap up. Dumb brain.)
I
understand why these things bring us comfort.
They are in no way any different to me than talking to your maker or your
mother who passed away twenty years ago.
It is a search for attachment.
Now that I now it is mostly common and relatively indicative of a sane
but sensitive person, I won’t feel the shame or embarrassment of feeling
twinges of pity when I throw old clothes away, or lock my lawnmower in the
shed.
Ooh,
I bet its cold in there for him right now.
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