Always make room for Statham in your movie.
Taking
time to plot a novel is a strange process.
You have to make your characters do stuff that makes sense, but isn’t predictable,
but also isn’t too unpredictable. For some reason I thought of bad stories. If I’ve seen this plot move before, I
reconsider it immediately. Since I usually
quit a shitty novel that doesn’t grab me or just pisses me off, I relied on bad
movies for my story ideas. That is, I
put my ideas up against shit movies to make sure I’m not hacky or lame or
wasting everyone’s time.
I
guess I should reveal I like many crappy movies. Mostly crappy action movies.
They provide a thrill and if I can ignore the alarming plot holes and ridiculous
dialogue I can have fun. It’s a lot like
80’s rock. If you just have fun with it,
there is something there for you. If you
think too deeply about the message or the idiotic lyrics, you are in trouble.
Intentionally
bad movies, or schlock or Ed Wood or Birdemic
is not really my thing. I’ve learned to accept there is entertainment value
when you witness the Truly Awful, but I never really make the time for
those.
Shooter.
Last Man Standing. The Rock. Con-Air. Statham movies you’ve never
heard of. The 2nd and 3rd Die Hard’s. Revenge stories. Vengeance stories. Bruce Willis. Liam
Neeson. Nic Cage. Cars. Explosions. Paper-thin plots. Gorgeous women. Over-the-top
bad guys. Horrible accents.
These
are my Saturday afternoon movies. If I’m
desperate to kill a lazy day and one of them is on TV, I toss the remote aside
and I’m good for an hour. It is the 12-year-old boy inside my head who longed
for more GI Joe and Star Wars playtime.
I don’t yearn for a good cry. I want excitement. With these movies, you get plenty, however
you have a lot of baggage. It is what I
hope to avoid when I’m plotting my own story.
The
first thing that jumps out at you is the question of motivation. All stories need it, but action films only
rely on a few tried and true reasons for endangering one’s life. Duty, revenge, and money. Duty is for cop stories and a handful of
military stories. It keeps John McClain
from saying “Fuck this” and leaving when terrorists show up. Money is the motivation of a lot of villains. One has to separate humanity from themselves
to truly blow up half the world just for a nicer home and an updated wardrobe.
I always think about the henchmen. How
dedicated would you be to be earning a paycheck at the lowest rung of a hired
goon ladder? Would you really take a
shot at Jason Statham after you know he’s just leveled a room full of
cronies? No, you’d get the fuck out of
there and change your drawers.
That
leaves vengeance. My wife loves vengeance movies, as, I was
surprised to discover, many women do.
Vengeance is interesting because it excuses just about everything in an
effort to right a wrong. It serves as a
neat plot device because your character has a well of hate and pain and
extinguishes it as the story progresses. Hopefully the pain is gone once the
big bad is laid to waste. That is rarely
explored in these shitty movies. Mostly
it’s a ride into the sunset with a hot girl and a smoldering pile of asshole bad
guy in the background. Guitars. Credits.
What
do I hope to learn? Well, the best
possible outcome is capturing the fun of these movies without the embarrassment
of their true validity as stories. I
could also get my head out of my ass and just like what I like without
shame. That will help with my day-to-day
life. But for the story, I’m looking for
something a little more substantive. But not too much.
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