This is a thoughtful piece; however I think it will have
a ton of pop-culture references in it. Brace yourself.
Hitting your forties is special. You know you are mathematically and
undeniably middle aged, and you know that you’ve probably passed the point in
your life where you were the most virile and vital. However, if you are a thinking person, you
also acquire the ability to let shit go.
I think your forties are the proving years to see whether you can age
gracefully or become a bitter, angry, sad asshole.
I’ve felt this a lot lately, and a fun way to measure
these events as you get older is to acknowledge the small endings you have in
your daily life. They start early. The end of high school and college or the end
of a job that you won’t soon forget. There
are friendships that fade away and breakups, too. Another one is to acknowledge the ending of
stories in your life. Some people feel
it when a favorite musician dies, and you know that you will never hear
anything new from them ever again. The
same thing with actors, writers and filmmakers. Sue Grafton died before she
finished her Z book. (That must drive
OCD people insane.)
There have been a bunch of story endings for me in the
last year. Game of Thrones, Avengers,
Star Wars, Mr. Robot, The Good Place… I think there are a few more,
too. It is bittersweet to see it end,
but the feeling that comes after is so important, even when it’s just entertainment
we should acknowledge it. Endings are
such a major part of life and a real teacher of how strong we are. We need to have things so we will know that
next morning the sun will rise, and we’ll be just fine.
My kids aren’t kids anymore and now I’m the old guy that
raised them. My hair isn’t coming back.
All the shit I like has been forgotten, trivialized, or banished to an oldies
bin of culture. I have hundreds of
open-ended arguments in my head that will never be resolved. I have a few dozen dreams that I know will
never happen. Clinging to them is
painful. It’s not the dreams’
fault. It’s the clinging.
I have had important people in my life that I will never
see again, and for some it is a sure thing. You have to let them go. I do not light candles for departed loved
ones. If they truly meant something to
you, there is no way you will ever forget them.
Behaving as if they are actually part of your life right now, today, is
clinging, and clinging only hurts you. Their
memory can dissolve and become part of your blood flow, your conscience, your
morality. That is the best you can hope
for as a memorial. That way, when you
think of them, what comes up first is how knowing them also benefitted you. They have become inexorable from you. To know who you are, is to know them, too.
Killing your past was a theme in the last two epic space
movies I watched in the theater. This is
a tough one. Killing the past in
totality is impossible and stupid. However, strategically targeting can be
helpful. If you approach it like a surgeon
who removes a tumor, then I think you’re on the right path. Those memories of screw-ups and evil deeds
that you’ve atoned for but still plague you…kill ‘em. Those truly devastating and embarrassing
moments you remember that still make you sick to your stomach…kill ‘em. Those shitty people who betrayed you or
fucked you over…kill ‘em. Well, not them,
but they should spend a lot less time occupying brain space. Learn the required lesson and close that
book. Trust me, they aren’t thinking
about you.
Doesn’t it seem that a significant part of this country
can’t let go of things? They cling to
the good ol’ days, whatever they think they were, and they can’t stand the fact
that deep down they know they aren’t ever coming back. Refusing to adapt and
change goes against the basic tenets of nature.
No change means no growth. No
growth means… Well, it’s nothing good.
They aren’t
even pining for a time or place, they just mourn the illusion of
it. Everything changes, people die, and
nothing lasts forever. These are things we figured out eons ago yet there are
millions of Americans that believe they are immune. Time and civilization only move in one
direction. Forward.
Close the old
books and say goodbye. You’ll be
okay. I don’t have to promise this. It happens billions of times a day.
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