Monday, January 20, 2014

Hey, Nerds: You Can Love Fantasy Football, Too


I’d like to begin with my central premise:  The world of sports and the world of nerdy things are not mutually exclusive.  Feigning ignorance to the world and overall attraction of sports because the jocks were dicks to you in high school is a waste of time.  I love Star Wars, Harry Potter, Spider-Man, Kurt Vonnegut, and the Seattle Seahawks.  Try not to judge a thing by the crowd you assume embraces it.  There’s plenty of room for all of these distractions.
One in ten Americans played fantasy football in 2013.  That’s over 30 million people.  Friends, families and co-workers get in on this every year and the numbers are increasing. It’s easy to see how football fans get wrapped up it in it.  The game reinforces a love of football and it raises the stakes of almost every game of the year.  But how is fantasy football pulling in new converts?  How does this seemingly strange activity have participants that have no idea who Adrian Peterson is, or that Los Angeles doesn't even have a team?
I have a few ideas.

It injects a mild jolt of competition in your life.  Non-sports fans usually are turned off by competition.  Personally, I have very little competitiveness outside of a Trivial Pursuit board.  Football is an outlet for people like me who need to scratch that little itch, but are hesitant to get in anyone’s face.  Fantasy football usually arranges individual leagues into teams, so you play each other like actual teams.  You might not ever sit down and play one-on-one basketball with your asshole brother-in-law, but through fantasy, you can whip his ass.  Hell, you can do the same with your grandma if she’s an old coot.

It takes luck, chance, and a smidgen of skill.  You do not have to know anything about football to play.  If you can count, then you can succeed at the game.  What occurs in the actual world of NFL football dictates what happens to your score each week.  Some things are unforeseeable; in fact, most things are.  You have every bit of chance as the so called ‘experts’ out there who claim they know all there is to know.  Pick your players by the numbers they put up last year, and if you get stuck, choose by favorite name, whether or not you think they’re cute, or if you like the team color scheme. It’s up to you.

You get to name things.  I love this part.  I am the league manager for my league and I’m thinking about setting a rule that I will not accept any boring team names.  I don’t want to see Bob’s Vikings, or the Portland Squad, or any of that bland unimaginative bullshit.  My last two leagues were My Hip Hurts and Monster Truck Force, and my last two teams were I Shouldn’t Have Had The Tuna and Gimme The Fife. Have fun with it.

It builds camaraderie.  You build closer friendships through games.  It’s the truth.  Whether you win or lose or you are competitive freak, you learn new facets of your connections with your friends and family.  That goes for field hockey and Scrabble, too, but this is on the computer. Fantasy football gives you all psychological benefits of team sports, without all the exercise and turf toe. 

It makes shitty games more interesting. You could be stuck in a part of the county where the local teams are just garbage.  I live on the west coast, and that was indeed the case until very recently.  So, if you have to watch games where the actual outcome means very little, the players in the game might be on you fantasy team.  It gives you a sense of pride when one of your guys has a career day, and a sense of absolute disgust when they blow it.  Well, you can always trade his sorry ass if you want.

It’s only four months long.  A baseball regular season is from late March to September before a month of playoffs and is 162 games long. An 82-game regular season in basketball lasts from November until about April before about 8 more weeks of playoffs.  There are only 16 games of pro football in 17 weeks from September to December. The commitment is minimal in comparison. 


The next time you get invited by that dude at work, or your cousin calls in August and asks to fill a slot before the draft, give it a shot.  I guarantee you’ll have some fun and you might realize what all the fuss is about.  Unless of course your league manager stipulates that the person who comes in last place has to get a tattoo, like these animals

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