Tolerance In The Time Of Assholery

Just remember: What Would MCA Do?

I almost got into it again with someone on Facebook.  Explaining what that is seems a little unnecessary.  We all know what that means. Facebook is the place for ridiculous diatribes by those with time on their hands or little regard for the feelings of others.  I am guilty.  I have slipped a few times.  We all have let a little slip: even the most politically neutral of us will assume the rest of the internet is on board with an idle thought or observation.  Next thing you know there is a response thread that you never planned all the way down the page.  People are uptight these days.  It is where we are right now.

At least with Facebook there is some attempt at civility because you know the person making the comment.  Out there in the Wild West of the internet, all bets are off.  We have all seen disgusting comment threads.  You bite your tongue and remember that these are angry assholes that cannot and will not be reasoned with.  Oh, but they are so wrong about that thing!  I can set them straight!  No, you can’t.  It is a trap and it is a waste of your time on earth.  You cannot change people.   You cannot change people.  You cannot change people. 

 So what do you do?  We don’t really want to quit the internet.  There is so much out there that is perfectly fine and Facebook is becoming a way for old family and friends to stay connected.  That’s a cool thing.  So, it really is not the technology in this case.  It is the user.  It is them.  It is you and me. 

The golden rule is linked to every major religion and most minor ones, too.  It may be the purpose of religion itself.  Humanists latch onto it as well.  It is a rule because it is sometimes not instinctual to treat those as we would like to be treated.  Instinctually, or socially, we are wired to lash out or defend or object.  Some people more than others.  Whet I think we have to remember is that a portion of these same problems have existed for generations.  Inequality.  Money.  Science.  Years ago, there were plenty of spirited arguments, but life had to still go on.  People have to still interact and see each other and work with each other. We were just tolerant of each other in conversation, although we were much less tolerant in every other way possible.

Maybe it is the lack of connection we have with our neighbors.  Maybe it is less communal experiences; our tastes are now differentiated into interest groups.  We mostly interact with people who reflect our beliefs.  We watch the news that reinforces our opinion.  Even your taste in beer says something about you.  This may be impossible to fix, but none of this in an excuse to be intolerant.

Tolerance for the intolerant is the most difficult.  Some people think if you disagree with them it is being intolerant, so they miss the point entirely.  You can disagree without viciousness, rudeness and insult. 

Maybe it is tact.  We are all missing tact.  There is a lubricant that keeps societies from imploding, and among its ingredients is mutual respect and behavior, or tact.  Has ego overtaken our ability to respect our fellow man?  It is a waste of energy to assume you can truly change someone’s belief system even with facts on your side.  It’s also a waste of time to attempt to make another person believe in something you feel in your heart to be true, when they are completely different people with different backgrounds.  What is left?  Respect.  That is all we have.  When you strip away all of the cable news fluff and blame and ideas of how life should work, there is just us.  People.  Trying to get to the store, take the kids to school and make some money.  Respect and acknowledgement of another’s humanity based of the fact that we are human, too. 

There is always abstinence.  Just don’t engage.  Respectfully decline to ream that bigot a new one because you feel he is spreading hate.  What is more effective, a vicious argument or just ignoring the vitriol?  Do something else.  Read a book.  I try to remember this stuff all the time, but I have my moments.  I just keep in my mind that a dumb opinion doesn’t define me, just like it doesn’t define them.